22 June 2015

posted in:

What is Normal?

There comes a time in my work with some clients where the question arises: what’s normal? This question comes up in times where we feel as if we are strangers to ourselves, or outcasts of society, or both. This might be triggered because of our early childhood experiences with bullying, or because we are a person of colour in a monocultural environment where “difference” is suspect. If we are a member of the LGBTQ community, “normal” might be a straightjacket, or, contrarily, something one longs to slip into in order to blend-in.

Broadly defined, I see “normal” as the base expectations of oneself working in conjuction (sometimes in conflict) with the base expectations of the individual in society. The former is somewhat within our control, the latter is informed by the voices and wills around us. In other words, there is the subjective normal and the objective normal.

The truth is that, experientially, both sift in the wind like sand. When we are feeling good about ourselves and our beliefs, we stick our necks out a little more; we roll up our sleeve and display that tattoo for our co-workers to see–unapologetically. In this mode we instill “normal” from ourselves onto the world around us. And when we are not feeling so good about ourselves, we pull back, because we feel intimidated by the “normal” that society instills within us. We can get lost in normal.

Normal is a kind of mirage.

This is not a bad thing. It’s a reminder that life is complicated: we are subjected to expectations of normalcy on a daily basis–from our parents, our loved ones, our friends and lovers, from television and advertisements–often with little time or too few platforms to question those expectations, to inspect and examine the preconceptions behind them.

Perhaps, instead of a subjective/objective binary, we might look at the question of normal through a temporal lens: today’s normal, next year’s normal, tonight’s normal.

What is normal to you in this moment?