16 August 2013

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Is Couples Therapy Just A Sign Of The End Of A Relationship?

I would be lying if years ago, upon hearing that a couple were considering relationship counselling, I didn’t hear a voice in the back of my head cry out: “Dead man walking!”. In other words, it seemed that couples therapy was the beginning of the end.

This is a bit of fatalism which is not helped by a dearth of positive examples in TV and film. North American society has lived under an implicit rule that admitting you need help is a sign of an underlying weakness of character. The reality is that, increasingly, couples are realizing that talking openly about their differences with a qualified therapist is in fact a marvellous way to discharge tension in the relationship.

When we enter a serious relationship, we bring our own ideas with us; ideas about money, sexual intimacy, communication, privacy. Many of these ideas are influenced by previous relationships. And sometimes, while individually each partner’s influences may be sound, when merged there can be dissonance.

Seeing a therapist as a couple is a way to put everything on the table without the responsibility of one party taking on the dreaded role of Argument Sheriff. A qualified therapist will be careful not to allow any one party to overshadow the needs of the other.

On this note, I will direct you to an article about couples who decide to see a therapist prior to the birth of their first child.