4 November 2014

posted in:

Victims and Perpetrators

In Canada, particularly in Toronto, we are awash in recent news of a broadcaster who has been allegedly sexually assaulting women for several years. There are enough people–journalists and otherwise–writing specifically about the incidents and the personality in question. This is not what I wish to discuss here (because I think others have the time and resources to write about this particular matter more effectively than I).

I will start by saying that this has opened up a wide discussion about sexual assault and consent, as well as the safety of the workplace for women. To begin to understand the extent of this discussion, I would recommend looking-up the Twitter hashtag #BeenRapedNeverReported. There are few who would argue that this is a perfect moment for society to coldly examine the legacy of the permissiveness of sexual assault (in all its forms, explicit and subtle).

Our history is awash with sexual assault–from husbands raping their wives to childhood sexual abuse. Much of the extent of this problem has not been made particularly transparent to the rest of society for many reasons: societal mores, fear of recrimination (legal and otherwise), and outright shame.

As a psychotherapist, I work with clients who speak from the perspective of victims of sexual assault. Sometimes I am contacted because this event has happened in the recent past and they are looking to process it. Other times, the assault happened long ago but lingers over our work, the ghost of an incident that is not our main focus but influences certain aspects of my client’s life. Less often I have had occasion to work with those who have knowingly violated the trust of others and have been in the role of perpetrator. These people are typically stricken with shame over their actions and our work tends to circle closely to the event(s) in question and the complex motivations which led them to break the trust of the person they victimized.*

I don’t know how society can make it easier for perpetrators to seek help without the pain of the victim seemingly downplayed in the process. Part of the problem traditionally, particularly in the workplace, is that if the perpetrator is in a role of power (unfortunately often the case) then the ease with which his actions can be reported are made less easy by virtue of there being more people who could have their employment adversely affected should management not have an infrastructure to receive and pursue such claims. Obviously, an infrastructure which is educated on the subject of inappropriate workplace behaviour would be a start, as well as a robust means to investigate claims.

This is a big, tough topic and the more voices added the better.

(* It should be noted that those who have come to me who have been perpetrators of violence have either had their actions previously reported to the police or are seeing me because they are before the courts.)