30 May 2012

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What’s The Difference Between Seeing A Therapist And Seeing My Best Friend?

I talk to people: it’s my job. In my travels, I’ve come across many interesting perspectives when I tell people that I’m a psychotherapist.

One question that stands out came from a young woman who asked “What’s the difference between what you do and, say, me talking with my best friend?”

Good question. On the surface it would seem that there wouldn’t be much difference. However, the truth often bears differently.

Let’s face it: if you have a “best friend”, then chances are you give them that stature because of a good chemistry between the two of you. You feel you can talk with them and occasionally divulge personal matters you wouldn’t normally share with anyone else. This is a good thing, particularly if – outside of the “best friend” qualification – the friendship itself is mutual and respectful. The thing is, what you can’t count on (consistently) is whether or not your friend always has your interests in mind, or whether (no fault of theirs) they have their own business to deal with. And thus, what may appear to be a confidante may actually be someone who’s only half-listening because they have their own thoughts (about their own life) at play.

The other thing is that even our best friends can’t always be consistently available to us, consistently attuned to what’s going on with us at all times when we’re together. They are individuals (and that’s probably what attracts you to them in the first place).

As a therapist, my role is to prioritize my client during our sessions together – that’s what our sessions are for (it’s my job). My focus is you. But it’s also us: in attuning to a client, I’m interested in what’s going on with you, but also what happens between the two of us. There may be things I say, or things I do, which for whatever reason evoke a reaction from the client. It’s my job to pay attention to such things. It’s my role to connect with you, and to also understand how my role may affect you from time to time – after all, we live in an interpersonal world and it’s in our dealings with others (direct and indirect) that we often notice our issues bubbling to the surface.

I hope I’ve made it a little easier to see the delineation between a best friend and a therapist. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to chime in.