8 July 2014

posted in:

Therapist FAIL

Although the point of therapy is to work with someone who allows room for you to share your thoughts and feelings, someone who (I should hope) works to help you feel understood, it’s not rare—even with the most experienced therapists—to experience moments of miscommunication.

It might be that they neglect to recall aspects of your biography correctly (attributing, say, a sister to you when you only have a brother). Or it might be that they forgot that you went on a well-deserved vacation and didn’t inquire about it.

Indeed there may be a point when your therapist disappoints you, makes you feel misunderstood—at worst, somehow bruised. It’s important to find a way to represent yourself in these moments; after all, as therapists we are often telling you to “be fair to yourself”. What could be more fair than representing yourself with someone who is supposed to be there to help you do that very thing?

A good therapist will receive your feedback without inappropriate objection. There’s a chance that what you have to share might catch them off-guard if, say, they weren’t aware of anything they’ve said being hurtful. But here’s the thing: this is their job, and a good therapist should give you space to talk about anything—including feedback about the therapist and your relationship with them.

One of the best things I can do as a therapist is to help a client represent themselves in the world. If I cannot accept their feelings towards something I might have done then that speaks to a professional issue with me, not with a personal problem of the client’s.