7 December 2020
Validation
One of the situations I hear very much from clients can be expressed as follows:
“I finally got the nerve to open up about what’s going on with me to my friend. And while it was okaaay they kept trying to give me advice, or tell me books to read, or YouTube channels I should subscribe to. While that’s appreciated, sort of, I realize that wasn’t really what I was looking for. I feel like the part where they allowed me to just talk — you know, just open up about the stuff going on with me — was missing.”
If I could choose an idea that this client might be expressing here, that idea would be validation. We all want to be heard. Even if we aren’t perfectly understood — let’s face it, discussing our mental health is hard enough as it is — it would be helpful if we felt that our concerns were seen as existing, as there even if we wish they weren’t. What most people aren’t looking for in this situation is to have their thoughts and feelings treated like campfires that require extinguishing. Sometimes a fire needs to burn.
This is a major difference between psychotherapy and speaking with friends; a good therapist will give you the time and space to express what’s going on, without unnecessarily throwing external resources at you. Yes, there are some good books that on occasion I’ll sometimes recommend for some clients at some junctures. But, while our problems may exhibit themselves externally as symptoms, our problems are not external. They are often wrapped around the roots of our thoughts and feelings. They are on the inside. And while there are a number of ways, over time, that a therapist can work with a client, ultimately a client is going to be most helped if they feel that the therapist they are working with is attuned with what’s happening internally. This is validation, and it’s an important part of the client recognizing that they are not alone, that they are not broken, or “a pain” for others to solve.
To have our inner selves seen, heard, and implicitly acknowledged is a powerful experience. This is not to say that you shouldn’t open up to friends or relatives, but — if you feel comfortable — you may wish ask them to just listen, to not judge (even if they are not explicitly judging). I hope you have someone in your life who can provide this. Failing that, a therapist will be better able to help.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: psychotherapy• self• society
1 October 2020
Business Therapy
I’ve updated my site recently, and have introduced an initiative I simply call Business Therapy.
As well as having worn a number of hats in the working world, I’ve had the pleasure of working with business owners as a therapist, who often share their struggles making a go of running a company. Especially in the COVID-era, running a company — big or small — poses many challenges which often go beyond day-to-day logistics. Whether you are a small team of entrepreneurs with no staff, or managing an office with several others, we often come face-to-face with ourselves: it could be a lack of patience, procrastination, or facing a lack of passion. It can lead to conflict with those we’re working with.
Business Therapy is a way to take the office into the world of therapy and work out our issues with those we’re working with. Specifically for those working alongside partners, I offer a way to untangle the knots that make us avoid persistent issues, be they personality conflicts or ways of problem-solving that actually work to solve the intended problems without scorching the earth around us.
How does it work? It starts with getting in contact with me. I will ask to meet with you and your partner(s) together (in person or via phone or videoconference), so that we can get a lay of the land, and so that I can better understand what you are up against, both personally and professionally as an organization. Then, I would proceed to meet with you individually so that I might get a gist of the individual challenges that may be working their way into the mix. My approach isn’t based on a static template, but rather customized to the needs you and your partner(s) present, and the situation at hand.
For more information on Business Therapy, please feel free to get in touch: matt@downowntherapy.ca or 416.873.7828.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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