5 September 2023
September
September is a strange month. As a therapist, I associate it with a predictable increase in new and former clients reaching out for support. Why is that? A bunch of things, depending upon the situation of the individual, but to name just a few reasons: end of summer, beginning of school, vacation(s) in the rearview mirror, THE END OF THE YEAR IS COMING (if I were the months of October and November I would file a complaint), shorter days (and, subsequently, daylight). What’s that, your pulse is racing just reading this? I’m not surprised.
I myself find this to be a significant time for reflection (whether or not I’m looking for it), and this year is no different for yours truly.
As an author, it’s hard not to think about the progress on the next novel. I’ve just received some substantial feedback and I find myself wanting to balance between (putting on overalls) OKAY LET’S GET TO WORK!… and taking a little bit of time to stand further back from the book (if possible), so that I’m not simply following through on what I’ve already created, but asking myself essential questions about structure, story, themes.
Writing a book (or short story), one can sometimes fixate a little too much on what the original idea was — that thing which struck your passion and inspired you to sit down and start the project in the first place — and in doing so run the risk of missing how the larger form might change to convenience the parts which require changing within it. It’s like getting the inspiration for a mansion on a hill only to discover, the more you think about what it is you’re aiming for that, actually, a bungalow near a pond is actually a closer realization of your original idea. This can especially happen if you’ve put in a whole pile of work already. Your insecurities begin to howl, and suddenly the idea of changing direction is giving you heart palpitations. No! No! I have to finish it soon, I want to move on to the next project! I don’t want to work on this forever! As with psychotherapy, there are no easy answers in this profession, and, similarly, much of the time it can boil down to “it depends.”
Welcome to September!
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: anxiety• art• psychotherapy• stress• work
25 January 2023
Life is complex, and people are messy
In April of this year I will be spending just under $2k in order for my partner and I to fly down to Texas, so that we may spend two-and-a-half days outside of a city I’m ambivalent about, in order to spend time with an 81 year-old man who still calls me “champ.”
I haven’t seen my father in years, most of this owing to the pandemic. A lot has happened during this time; not just my turning 50 and he not being able to visit, nor his turning 80 and my likewise inability to do the same. My family has a lot of secrets, and not a little drama, and much of it came to a head nearly three years ago when (takes deep breath) I received a phone message informing me that my murdered uncle’s stolen guitar was uncovered and sitting in a recording studio in New Jersey.
Can you guess why I have a sideline as a fiction writer?
In any case, I have been coming back to a phrase I’ve been using in interviews while I’m publicizing a new novel that I have out. That phrase is: “life is complex, and people are messy.” The reason I reach for that phrase is because my book (and much of my writing) is about real (if fictional) people, and if I know anything about real people — both from my personal experiences and from my work as a psychotherapist — it’s that we are not simple (though we may present as such), nor are we drawn with clean lines. We can be contradictory, self-centered, lovable and maddening — sometimes within the same ten minutes.
I’m offering the above not because I want to be the talk of someone’s dinner party, but because I wish to also talk inclusively about myself as much as about some objective idea of “real [that is to say, other] people.” Which is to say, I am one too. I’m also putting this out there because I think sometimes we conveniently two-dimensionalize each other when we are overwhelmed or feeling insecure, convincing ourselves that simple people drawn with clear lines actually do exist. It’s certainly convenient, and certainly understandable when we are under duress. But I think we owe it to ourselves and to society as a whole to see how we are messy, and how (yes) life is complex, if only to develop the capacity for understanding ourselves and each other, with self-compassion and empathy for those around us.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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