30 April 2013
Seen, Heard, and Understood
I found myself on vacation recently. My partner and I went to France. It was equal parts charming and idyllic. It was also curiously stressful.
You see, in Toronto – at the best of times – when I go out I will inevitably have a selection of personalities to encounter: the barista making my americano, the TTC operator at the front of the streetcar, the person operating the cash register at the local grocery store. Ideally, in this sequence of events, even if I’m not consciously aware of it, I’ll be seen, heard, and understood.
These are three very important things to experience in day-to-day life: it feels good to be recognized, to be listened to, and to feel that the person on the other side of our dealings-with acknowledges our existence. Sadly, this doesn’t always come to be. The barista may get my order wrong, the TTC operator might be a bit gruff, the person operating the cash might talk to me without making any sort of eye contact. All of this may come true over the course of single day and I may be left scratching my head as to why (or more likely, why me?). Accumulatively, it can have an alienating effect for people.
Now…take those naturally occurring human variables and transpose them onto a country I’ve never visited before, whose language I only have a rudimentary understanding of, and you can see how France proved to be a little bit of work as well as vacation. A day didn’t go by where there wasn’t some sort of struggle – big or small (mostly small) – to make sense of myself with someone else and not to take any incidental lack of being seen, heard, or understood to heart.
Overall, the work had a strengthening effect – I know that next time I’ll be better prepared for the challenge. But, as I mentioned, not without a little stress first. The experience also had the effect of reminding me what people with acute social anxieties must endure every day.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: anxiety• self• socialization• strength• stress
9 February 2013
Should I See A Male Or Female Therapist?
I was recently preparing a presentation for men who are training to become registered massage therapists – men being, until recently, a minority in a profession largely staffed by women. The idea was to discuss societal gender stigmas and the myths which arise from them (one, for example, being that “men are better at deep tissue massage than women” – not true).
Here are my thoughts on the matter, when it comes to choosing a psychotherapist:
First: There are always going to be personal preferences. Given the potentially long-term and intimate nature of the profession, if a client seeking a psychotherapist prefers the company of a man or a woman to seek help from, whatever that selection is based on is not mine to judge. From where I stand, for anyone seeking help, the freedom of having that choice is sacred. For some clients, being able to to make that choice is an important first step.
Second: There are some public misconceptions about male vs female abilities in a therapeutic environment which mirror the “deep tissue” myth mentioned above. Though personalities between therapists are unique, with some therapists being more empathetic or insight-driven than others, it’s important to note that competency in their chosen field is just as crucial.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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