21 January 2014
The Difference Between Happy & Healthy
First, a belated Happy New Year to visitors. I hope 2014 is good to you. I was tempted to write something more specific. Something along the lines of “brings you health” or “brings you happiness”. This got me thinking about the needs of people seeking a therapist (whether they be individuals or couples).
To some (perhaps many) people, wishing someone happiness is a no-brainer – who doesn’t want to be happy? And yet, I respect the fact that some of us may be awash in “happy” – not the good sort of happy. It could be our family, our friends. Our co-workers might look at us, as if we just don’t get it: why can’t you just be happy? The not-so-good “happy” is an inauthentic happiness – it’s feeling forced to be happy when we don’t want to be or don’t feel like it (for reasons we may be aware of or not). If we do this for too long – force ourselves to be disingenuously happy – particularly starting at a young age, the results can be problematic: a confusion about putting other people’s needs (perceived or real) before ours which we carry into adulthood. We end up feeling like an actor with a collection of masks as opposed to the more natural and healthy day-to-day “selves” we may use when we go between mixed environments – these are typically healthy, interwoven variations on the same “me”: the work me, the coffee shop me, the relationship me, the alone me. Perhaps a little different than each other, but the same person.
Happy is relative and – if I may be honest – shouldn’t be a blanket expectation we presumptively transpose onto those around us (or ourselves). It can be vague to some, empty to others, regardless that most of the people who use it do mean well. I suppose what I’m saying is that happy and healthy are not always mutually inclusive.
Some people prefer “contentment” to happiness. Perhaps one thing to consider, for 2014 and in general, is the language we use to gauge how we are feeling. Does it set us up to unreasonable standards? Or, contrarily, if we used language that was more aspirational would that help us move forward in our lives more freely?
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: change• choice• general info• self• society
18 November 2013
Should I Be Concerned If My Therapist Sees A Therapist?
Short answer: no.
Long answer… If you don’t feel that seeing a therapist yourself (or therapy itself) is bad, then why should it be concerning if your therapist chooses to see someone? Many therapists see their own therapist, and it shouldn’t be surprising. After all, therapists are tasked with working with a wide array of potential concerns from an even wider array of individuals and couples. That’s a lot of emotion and anger, and anxiety to contend with; depending upon what’s going on in that therapist’s life sometimes the therapist-as-therapist and the therapist-as-private-individual divide can become difficult to delineate.
A rough metaphor would be working with a fitness trainer and then one day coming into the gym and seeing your trainer privately working out, perhaps even struggling with her regimen in a way that is proportionate to your own.
This concern speaks to an expectation in some quarters that therapists should be detached experts who should have no need for personal therapy. After all, what kind of therapist would you turn to if they needed help? Well, the answer is that we all need help from time to time. And I’m skeptical of the “detached expert” expectation – you cannot after all be interpersonally detached and interpersonally present at the same time. One only needs to read this article about a detached expert and his experience with PTSD as a result of his own practice to understand that it’s (for lack of a better word) crazy to assume that even the most accomplished mental health professional doesn’t require intermittent self care from time to time.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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