30 July 2015
Talking Addiction
Whenever a potential client contacts me and uses the a-word, I can trust in a couple of things: 1) that this person is coming to terms with something that they must feel very uncomfortable speaking about openly, and 2) that the a-word potentially carries many other words along with it–fear, shame, perhaps self-loathing.
Talking openly about addiction is hard. For anyone.
I tend to prefer using the word compulsion rather than addiction. Why? Perhaps it’s because society often treats addiction as a disease, some biomedical poltergeist that possesses us. Compulsion describes a central action–a client feels a compulsive need to drink alcohol, or use opiates, or put themselves in unhealthy sexual situations. It’s no wonder no one wants to talk about this sort of activity if it feels like we are admitting to being infected by a virus.
There are often deeper reasons for compulsive behaviour. Reasons which, for some clients, reach as far back as their family upbringing. Often times certain words rise to the surface when a client is discussing their compulsive behaviour–words like control, and enough.
“If only I had more control over my life.”
“If only I were thin enough.”
I encourage anyone wrestling with compulsive behaviour to speak with someone they feel comfortable with. Although everyone’s experience of life is different, generally speaking the first step is to feel that you are not alone, and perhaps the second step is to feel that you are understood by someone else. Therapists are good at this.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: addiction• change• general info• psychotherapy• self• society• strength
22 June 2015
What is Normal?
There comes a time in my work with some clients where the question arises: what’s normal? This question comes up in times where we feel as if we are strangers to ourselves, or outcasts of society, or both. This might be triggered because of our early childhood experiences with bullying, or because we are a person of colour in a monocultural environment where “difference” is suspect. If we are a member of the LGBTQ community, “normal” might be a straightjacket, or, contrarily, something one longs to slip into in order to blend-in.
Broadly defined, I see “normal” as the base expectations of oneself working in conjuction (sometimes in conflict) with the base expectations of the individual in society. The former is somewhat within our control, the latter is informed by the voices and wills around us. In other words, there is the subjective normal and the objective normal.
The truth is that, experientially, both sift in the wind like sand. When we are feeling good about ourselves and our beliefs, we stick our necks out a little more; we roll up our sleeve and display that tattoo for our co-workers to see–unapologetically. In this mode we instill “normal” from ourselves onto the world around us. And when we are not feeling so good about ourselves, we pull back, because we feel intimidated by the “normal” that society instills within us. We can get lost in normal.
Normal is a kind of mirage.
This is not a bad thing. It’s a reminder that life is complicated: we are subjected to expectations of normalcy on a daily basis–from our parents, our loved ones, our friends and lovers, from television and advertisements–often with little time or too few platforms to question those expectations, to inspect and examine the preconceptions behind them.
Perhaps, instead of a subjective/objective binary, we might look at the question of normal through a temporal lens: today’s normal, next year’s normal, tonight’s normal.
What is normal to you in this moment?
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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