31 March 2019
What we say to ourselves
I was at a seminar recently where the focus of the discussion was on what we therapists call the “intra-relational” relationship. What does that mean, exactly? So, you may have heard the term “inter-relational,” which describes the state of a relationship between two or more people in a given moment? What is meant by “intra-relational” is the state of the relationship between someone and themself.
Does that sound odd?
We all have a relationship with ourselves, whether we are conscious of it or not. When times are good and we are feeling positive about our place in the world, we are likely to literally or figuratively pat ourselves on the back. When times are not so good, we might find ourselves listening to an accusatory inner voice, one that is impatient with our mistakes or lack of success.
Our relationship with ourselves is vitally important, and is influenced on a day-to-day basis by our external relationships: with workmates, family, friends, the world around us. External relationships may also extend symbolically to things such as alcohol, diet, exercise, sex, and work ethic. At the end of the day our intra-relational relationship feeds from these external experiences.
Engaging with the client’s relationship with themself in the therapeutic space is a very tricky and delicate task, but when successful it gets to the heart of how we speak to ourselves privately. It isn’t often that our intra-relational self is seen or heard, and there is no simple trick for drawing this out. It happens when it happens — sometimes via a personal catalyst, other times the result of a random moment of connection between therapist and client.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: modality• psychotherapy• regulation• work
8 February 2019
Me in the Media
Some people probably dream of being in a field where they might receive a phone call or email out of the blue, from, say, a radio producer or freelance journalist who is looking for a quote from someone in their profession. With me, while I always look forward to providing a different (that is, not strictly biomedical) perspective on mental health, it’s impossible not to feel as if what I’m saying is going to be distilled into something that I’ll never be happy with. Thankfully, those few times I’ve been interviewed, my words have been handled respectfully by the person interviewing me.
The first was with The Toronto Star‘s former relationship columnist, Sofi Papamarko, about the delicate path of retaining a relationship with your ex’s friends and family after a breakup.
The second, and most recent, was for The Walrus, in which Suzanne Alyssa Andrew shared a personal experience with someone who didn’t seem to understand what an apology was.
Although being a point of focus for a major publication is a little stressful, it is rewarding, and I hope you find those two articles enlightening.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
Recent Comments