1 February 2021
What Becomes a Therapist Most?
There are a lot of therapists out there, and I think, because of this, there is a temptation amongst certain quarters of the psychotherapy community to market themselves commercially in such a way as to stand out from the pack. This is completely understandable since, from the client’s perspective, it can be hard to distinguish the person who is the therapist and their presumed role. I think there can be a risk when therapists stick their neck out to market themselves, insofar as making it about the therapist and not the client (or what exactly, wonderful personality aside, that therapist’s role is). I blame Dr. Phil.
As I say elsewhere on my site: you don’t want your therapist to be the star of the show. This might initially sound like fun, but not if you’re paying for it, and especially not if you are seeking help and understanding.
Trust me, I get where the temptation to distinguish oneself comes from. Some days I’m tempted to put an ad out there whereby I promise to never offer unattributable “Native American sayings” or adorn my office with purple satin drapes. And while, for those of us who have seen certain therapists do those very things, we might find some smirky amusement around such dated therapist/New Age stereotypes, the fact is that I think it can ironically only serve to drive some people away, right? I totally want to speak with that overly-opinionated therapist, said no one.
It reminds me of a very common question I’m asked: what (kind of client) is my specialty? My first reaction to this was pretty much the very same reaction I’ve used ever since: I don’t have one. I’ve been doing this going on 9 years and my feeling is that by specifying a type of person/background I would essentially be missing out on some wonderful clients whose lives and backgrounds I haven’t yet been exposed to.
In the end, it has to be about the client.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
filed under: matt cahill• modality• psychotherapy
7 December 2020
Validation
One of the situations I hear very much from clients can be expressed as follows:
“I finally got the nerve to open up about what’s going on with me to my friend. And while it was okaaay they kept trying to give me advice, or tell me books to read, or YouTube channels I should subscribe to. While that’s appreciated, sort of, I realize that wasn’t really what I was looking for. I feel like the part where they allowed me to just talk — you know, just open up about the stuff going on with me — was missing.”
If I could choose an idea that this client might be expressing here, that idea would be validation. We all want to be heard. Even if we aren’t perfectly understood — let’s face it, discussing our mental health is hard enough as it is — it would be helpful if we felt that our concerns were seen as existing, as there even if we wish they weren’t. What most people aren’t looking for in this situation is to have their thoughts and feelings treated like campfires that require extinguishing. Sometimes a fire needs to burn.
This is a major difference between psychotherapy and speaking with friends; a good therapist will give you the time and space to express what’s going on, without unnecessarily throwing external resources at you. Yes, there are some good books that on occasion I’ll sometimes recommend for some clients at some junctures. But, while our problems may exhibit themselves externally as symptoms, our problems are not external. They are often wrapped around the roots of our thoughts and feelings. They are on the inside. And while there are a number of ways, over time, that a therapist can work with a client, ultimately a client is going to be most helped if they feel that the therapist they are working with is attuned with what’s happening internally. This is validation, and it’s an important part of the client recognizing that they are not alone, that they are not broken, or “a pain” for others to solve.
To have our inner selves seen, heard, and implicitly acknowledged is a powerful experience. This is not to say that you shouldn’t open up to friends or relatives, but — if you feel comfortable — you may wish ask them to just listen, to not judge (even if they are not explicitly judging). I hope you have someone in your life who can provide this. Failing that, a therapist will be better able to help.
If you are interested in learning more about my services, about me, or perhaps booking an appointment, please call me at 416-873-7828 or email me at info@downtowntherapy.ca for more information.
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